asher553: (asher63)
[Reposted from The Question Club.]
I've heard older people who are single say, "I'm too set in my ways to move in with somebody now," and I think there may be something to that. After living alone for a long time you adapt to a certain way of doing things, and it's hard to imagine getting used to sharing your space with somebody else.

Living alone is not necessarily the same as being alone. You can have friends, a social life, and a dating life without having a second person sharing your living space. Some people are just happier that way.

I'm 50 and I find I'm generally happier living alone. Maybe it's just a function of the bad relationships I've been in, but at this point I can't really see myself moving in with another person. And I'm happier this way, probably 80 or 90 percent of the time anyway. I like having the place to myself and I like being my own boss.

The downside is that there's times when I could use a little conversation, or just a second pair of hands to help with the grocery shopping and housecleaning. If you get sick, living alone just sucks. And I think, what if I got hurt? What if I fell down in the shower and hit my head or something? What if, what if? That's the part of living alone that scares me.
asher553: (asher63)
One of my all-time favorite sketches, posted for no particular reason. Male or female, straight or gay - if you've ever dated, you can probably relate. http://youtu.be/ygwhs0wnvYY
asher553: (Default)
Marjory Asher was a friend and sometime girlfriend with whom I shared a birthday and a name. We stayed in touch after I left Portland, but I hadn't heard back from her for months. Now I know why.

http://www.oregonlive.com/obituaries/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/obits/1234344313221630.xml&coll=7

I'll post a little more later. Right now I'm just stunned. It's been almost a year since she left us; don't know why it took me that long to do a google on her, but there you go.

UPDATES:

http://www.helpfindthemissing.org/forum/showthread.php?t=10761

She was found in the Willamette River.

http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2009/02/investigators_think_milwaukie.html

"It has been determined that she did not fall."
asher553: (Default)
Irshad Manji declines:
http://www.muslim-refusenik.com/

"Why not just convert to Christianity? That way I could marry you." - Jay

Irshad replies: Better still, let's both convert to Buddhism and have no attachment to each other!

Ty Ziegel

Feb. 14th, 2007 10:01 pm
asher553: (Default)
US Marine Tyler Ziegel was engaged to his sweetheart when something happened that would change their lives.

KDSK:
They were looking toward the future when Ty's unit was redeployed.

Then one day in December 2004, Ty was on a truck as part of a convoy patrolling in Iraq's Anbar province when they were targeted by a suicide bomber.

...Ty was hurt, badly. The blast engulfed him in flames and riddled his brain with shrapnel.

He was stabilized and transported to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. Renee went there too and doctors told her Ty was clinging to life.

"If he makes it through today, it's a good day. If he makes it through tonight, it's a good night. We got told that every single day," said Renee.

Ty fought hard and did make it but he was disfigured beyond recognition. He lost sight in his right eye and doctors had to remove most of his left arm and some of his right hand.

But through 50 plus surgeries, 19 months of painful rehabilitation and disfiguring scars, Renee stood by him.

"I didn't marry him because he was a good looking guy, I married him because of who he was," said Renee.

...Ty and Renee Ziegel see love not with their eyes but with their heart.

"If you love somebody," said Renee, "you're going to do what you have to do, no matter what."

Happy Valentine's Day.
asher553: (Default)
Cities, by definition, have more people than small towns; and larger cities have more people than smaller cities. And because the single population is a subset of the population as a whole, it follows that if you are single you will find a larger population of available singles in a big city than in a smaller one. (Barring the case where there's an extraordinary discrepancy in the proportion of singles, such that the absolute number of singles in a given smaller city is greater.)

So that's the obvious factor. Let's call that Equation A. But there's another factor too, I think - we'll call it Equation B - whereby those teeming hordes of urban singles KNOW that they are single, and that they live in the city, and that they have a seemingly endless array of potential partners to choose from. So, is the urban population choosier? More fickle? More jaded? To the extent that the urban single population is self-selected, is it because they're looking to find a serious relationship, or looking to avoid commitment?

And beyond Equations A and B, there's just the sensory overload of living in the city. Even if you live in New York and love every minute of it, you must know what I'm talking about. How does that impact our ability to form and maintain relationships?

And finally there are the reasons people live in cities, which may overlap with Equation A but are not identical with it. There is, specifically, the "safety in numbers" principle. If you are an ethnic minority, a political minority, an artist, intellectual, or queer (there's the overlap with A), you want to go where there are others of "your kind". It's sort of the general case of Equation A.

How do you balance all of these things - especially when your politics and your values are a weird mix of small-town (read "red state") and urban (read "coastal liberal")?

I don't know the answer. When I get it figured out, I'll let you know.
asher553: (Default)
I came extremely close to getting evicted.

The red-bordered, 72-hour-notice form is still sitting on my desk. Fortunately a very dear, longtime friend in California bailed me out. Even so, I ended up having to sell my electric guitar, my Bose radio, my entire DVD collection (Buffy, L Word, Xena, X-Files, and even my beloved Babylon 5), most of my CDs, and a ton of books. I had to let go of a beautiful and very expensive Persian rug for a fraction of what I paid for it. Then I got lucky and grabbed a temp job printing T-shirts for $8.50/hr on the swing shift (at a place called Latitudes in NW Portland). It wasn't too bad, except for standing 8 hours a night and getting tendonitis in my shoulder from doing the same motion 25,000 times per shift.

So anyway, I have been somewhat preoccupied with staying non-homeless and haven't been able to post or say hi to friends on my f-list as I'd like; and I've let my social obligations lapse with a number of friends both at LJ and elsewhere. So this is the weekend I start getting caught up.

Things are definitely on the upswing now, as I just got a smallish check from my uncle's estate - enough to cover April's rent {breathes huge sigh of relief} and keep me from getting my lights and phone shut off. More good news, I've had a couple of job interviews, including one last Friday that went very well. It's a perfect position for me, doing general office work in a company that markets defibrillators - good hours, low-key office environment, decent pay, lotsa good things. The boss seemed to like me at the interview, so I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed that he'll phone back to tell me I've got the job. Meanwhile, I'm not slacking off on the job search - I'll be bugging the temp agencies, updating my Monster profile, and watching the job postings on Craigslist. Craigslist seems like the best single resource - it's where I found out about this job, and I've had a couple of other near-misses thru them.

So, wish me luck on the defibrillator gig.
asher553: (Default)
So, I'm temporarily putting the cork on the bottle of snark (it's a magnum) and wishing everyone a truly happy and fulfilling Valentine's Day.

(Me, bitter? Nah.)

Best wishes to everyone in LJ-land and beyond (even the ex-girlfriend). Best wishes to those very special people on my friends list, and to those whom I haven't yet friended. And happy, warm, positive thoughts to all my friends outside of LJ-land who might not be reading this.

[livejournal.com profile] technodyke, you rock. I hope we'll be able to meet in person one day.

[livejournal.com profile] tesao, have lots of fun and adventures in that West African city whose name always makes me crack a grin when I type it.

[livejournal.com profile] bluecarp, all the best with the crazy world of art and dance.

[livejournal.com profile] fairiegodmother, I *will* make it up to your town one of these days soon. Really looking forward to meeting you in person!

[livejournal.com profile] heyiya, good luck getting over the Valentine's bug.

[livejournal.com profile] ksej, great news about Andrea meeting her father. Hope it took some of the sting out of the Scunthorpe draw ... better luck next time.

[livejournal.com profile] silverseabear, I honestly couldn't have lived another minute without knowing those giant, lily-scented worms were alive and well. Hope the weather in Poland isn't too brutal.

[livejournal.com profile] kefiraahava, I hate it too. (See top of post.) Happy VD anyway.

[livejournal.com profile] battygurl ... classificatory!
asher553: (Default)
Just had a friend call me this morning to say she doesn't want to stay in touch; no explanation given.

We had a dating/non-dating/whatever-it-was relationship (or non-relationshp) since summer. Whatever it was, it isn't now. Obviously, we weren't "lovers". What then? Friends? Have we officially become un-friends now? Or was I under a misapprehension, and we were never really friends to begin with?

Whatever.

What do you do with something like this? Do you buy chocolate? Do you cry in your beer? Do you get angry? hurt? depressed? I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling now. I don't know what to do with this.

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