How to help?
2024-05-20 22:03![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
asher553We want to help others, and it's good that we do. But how to help? Sometimes the answer is simple: if a person is starving, you give them food; if they're drowning, you throw them a life preserver; if they're in a burning building, you bring them out. I am not claiming that these things are easy - clearly, it takes great courage to rush into a burning building - but there is nothing difficult about knowing what the person needs. You know immediately what's the right thing to do - you just have to do it.
In the real world, knowing how to help is often more difficult and complicated. What is the right kind of help, and what is the wrong kind? How much help is enough, and how much is too much? Perhaps you see an elderly or disabled person carrying a bag of groceries, and you want to help. But maybe they are suspicious of your intentions; or maybe the person is very proud, or has worked hard to overcome a disability, and prefers to be independent. How do you know? You might have to pay close attention to the person's reaction as you offer to help - their words, their tone, their facial expressions, their body language - to be sure that your help is really wanted. [217]
In the real world, knowing how to help is often more difficult and complicated. What is the right kind of help, and what is the wrong kind? How much help is enough, and how much is too much? Perhaps you see an elderly or disabled person carrying a bag of groceries, and you want to help. But maybe they are suspicious of your intentions; or maybe the person is very proud, or has worked hard to overcome a disability, and prefers to be independent. How do you know? You might have to pay close attention to the person's reaction as you offer to help - their words, their tone, their facial expressions, their body language - to be sure that your help is really wanted. [217]
no subject
Date: 2024-05-22 03:44 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-23 03:01 (UTC)You've already identified an important first step: ask. Which seems obvious, but some people rush in to do something, assuming they know what's needed, and are wrong.
I try to ask in a way that gives the other person room to decline without worrying about offending me. "Can I help you with that?" is very different from "do you need help with that?" or even "would you like a hand with that?". The first is an offer, the second presumes inability (puts the person on the defensive), and the third puts the other person in the position of having to state a need.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-23 11:52 (UTC)YES!!! Exactly. The approach is everything.